godamm fairies can’t even raise a fuckin child what us the world coming to jesus christ this rate shes not even gonna be able to read better teach her all i know, did i mention i h8 children STOP SMILING AT ME I AM EVIL, FEAR ME let me just show u the wonders of the forest real quick.
in my dream last night i was at some kind of meeting and when i looked across the table there was this dude sitting there. and i remember whispering ‘why is macklemore here?’ really horrified but i guess he heard me and the dude whipped his head around to glare at me and it was jean kirschtein.
One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab.
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.